Locked Tomb brainrot

charlesoberonn

First part of a Twitter thread by @SamAsIAm: "A friend who is a municipal arborist just called to tell me about a guy who cut down 32 big mature trees on his neighbor's NJ property to get a better view of NYC. He hired a guy who hired another guy. Cut them down and left the debris there. The fine per tree is $1000 so the 1/ 2/ guy propably thought he was going to just pay a $32k fine. But the arborist wrote violations to all 3 parties, 96 in all (by hand, took him 12 hours) and there's a provision requiring the replanting of like trees "of the same size." And it's on an inaccessible by road"

Continuation of Twitter thread by @SamAsIAm: "3/ mountainside. He put the affronted landowner in touch with the only guy who would take on such a job. Thry have to build a road, remove the debris, plant big trees and water them for two years. He quoted $1.5 million. And additional fines total $400k. I hope whoever this ass 4/4 is he can't pay and they lien and sell his property, the value of which he probably figured would be increased so much a $32k fine was worth it, to cover the cost. We are living in the Jaime Dimon ethos. "So fine us, we can afford it. 4/5 The PS to this is I was just given a zoom link to the 1st court hearing tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's just for trail participants or spectators can use it, but if they let me observe I'll add more. It doesn't appear to have been picked up by any news source yet."

Quote Tweet by @ParSpec: "Apparently NOBODY ELSE IN THE QUOTE TWEETS RESPECTS TRADITION ENOUGH TO POST THE TREE LAW COMIC"

A 1-page comic by u/reachling: Panel 1: A saddenned person with short hair looking at a tree stump, their hands are holding the sides of their head. They're saying "Oh no! The rare cherry tree grandma brought with her from the old country! It's been chooped down!!" and then in another speech bubble "And only a week after the new neighbor complained about it blocking his view too!" Panel 2: The young person turns around with a befuddled look on their face. A speech bubble from the bushes says "Tree law?" Panel 3: A bald bearded lawyer with a suit and briefcase looks from behind a picket fence and says "Tree law?" Panel 4: Another lawyer with shades pops their head from inside the bushes and says "Tree law?!" Panel 5: Another lawyer crawls from under the stump with a briefcase and says "Tree law!!" Panel 6: The four lawyers carry the young person above them. The person is looking confused. Two of the lawyers are holding pitchforks and torches. Around them are raining dollar bills. The lawyers are chanting "Tree! Law! Tree! Law!"

Art by u/reachling

lesbianpatronsaint

c-53

I think my favorite bit i do with customers is when white women are like ‘i dont know what to getttttt’ and i hit them with the ‘you should be bad~ 😈’

c-53

Saying ‘you should be bad!!’ In like Gay Voice to a white woman at starbucks has like the same psychological impact as going like ‘who’s a good boy?’ To a dog. It makes them so excited in a really endearing way.

fortidogi

the-crooked-library

triviallytrue

by far the funniest thing you can say immediately after winning the NBA finals

triviallytrue

for those of you who don't follow basketball, this guy is the best player in the world right now

nacseo-scrawl

#you don't understand how completely devoted jokic is to racing horses#he's tried to quit basketball several times to commit full time to his horses#he doesn't even like playing basketball i don't think, he's just stupid good at it#he's counting down the days until he can retire to move back to serbia and work with his horses#his post retirement plans are becoming a 'trotting coach' his words @sayheykid

lesbianpatronsaint

transloveairway

when i was post op after top surgery i had a good friend there with me to help recover. but the nurse didnt get the memo and when i woke up she was like “ok i’m gonna go get your girlfriend and bring her in to see you!” and i remember being so zonked on anesthesia and so disoriented i just laid there thinking wow…… all that an they’re bringing me a girlfriend too this place is amazing

the-crooked-library

chongoblog

I think there’s nothing funnier than accidentally clicking on someone’s tags on a reblog, because you basically have to say “no tumblr i wasnt looking for every post on the site tagged as ‘i need you to understand that he gives me more mental illness than you can comprehend’ but thank you for your efforts”